The Drop

Week 7

So how is Paris? Right as rain.

Wednesday

Stayed up late Tuesday night so didn’t get up too much on Wednesday. As I don’t work on Wednesdays it has become my chill day during the week anyway. Just relaxed at home, watched some vids on TV. Nothing much to say there.

Thursday

Work today was a rollercoaster, had one absolutely unbearable class. Kids kept messing around, refusing to participate and just being general nuisances, it was a nightmare and I really got depressed about it. In the end I had to switch my students for some other ones because I just couldn’t get on with the class while they were there.

I now have a newfound appreciation for teachers that deal with troublesome kids or troublesome schools in general. After being on the other side of the fence, you really appreciate how difficult and demoralizing it can be when students just make your life hell. Anyway, after that class all I wanted to do was go home and relax but luckily my next class were complete angels. Their level was pretty poor and some couldn’t even say my name is x, but they all got involved and really tried hard which is all that matters really. Also, at the end of the class my students thanked me, actually thanked me for the lesson. It felt so rewarding I tell you!!!! I can really appreciate the value or desire of being a teacher; because at that one moment, when my students thanked me,  I was OVER THE MOON. I really felt like I had accomplished something and I went home with a spring in my step.

Also finally got back into sport today – I’ve been off for a while because I would always be out or something would be on at the time. And as I went to the session with my two buddies I was ready for death. Death you say? Yes death. Let me explain, in my first week here while looking for which club I wanted to join, I went to many different training sessions and each one was more exhausting than the previous one! E.g. On one training session, the warm up was a 30 minute (excessive non?) jog, through the town. Which included going up and down hills at basically ninety degrees. Then suicides and then a full on match for an ONE HOUR?????? I mean I wasn’t exactly in great shape after am exercise free summer but still, I’m fairly fit and I was having difficulty BREATHING. JEEZ. I STRUGGLED to get up for work the next day. Let me tell you, The French really do not mess around with sport here. Either rock up and be prepared or stay at home.

Luckily death was not at my door this time and the session was OK. Although got reminded about the stupid French turf they used. It’s called stabilisé – it’s not grass, it’s not artificial, it’s crap. It’s like a mixture of crushed rock and sand that looks like tartan they use in Athletics and it HURTS when you fall over. And if you’re not used to playing on it (exhibit A) you fall a lot. Do the math.

Also watched the film legion, it was MEH. I liked the violence and action, but the film was really D rate at best.

On another note, now in a bit of dilemma; do I buy a ticket to go to America for xmas? Because I really do not want to stay in France by myself. Or do I get a job and start working off my rather large debts? Yes it was really a choice, I need that paper plz. Oh what, why am I considering going to America when Im already in financial difficulty? Well because it’s xmas and because I often do things I shouldn’t.

Friday

So nothing much today except I went to that meeting. You know the guy I met at the bus stop last week? He told me to come somewhere so he could discuss his plan on how he would make me rich....... Yes I did ask him at the bus stop, on the bus and on the phone, just telling him to explain to me then. But of course he refused (of course will be explained in a bit) and so I went. Why did I go....why not? I didn’t have anything else major to do at the time and I was curious. Anyway, it was a COMPLETE WASTE OF MY TIME. When I got there, I had to wait 25mins for a stupid presentation that he didn’t even take, it was by somebody ELSE. Then can you believe they spent 45 MINUTES telling you how amazing the scheme was, having many guest speakers come up and tell you how they all went from being broke to now driving ferrari’s blab la bla but they didn’t tell you HOW TO DO ANYTHING. Of course that was in PART TWO of the presentation (of course I didn’t stay), can you believe it?

After all his hype about this and that, it was just a stupid pyramid scheme. You know the whole you pay X to have a licence to sell Y and you get an unreasonable amount of Z for every item you sell. The company’s ACN and it’s about selling phone products. It all sounds very fishy to me, even though my friend in Canada says it’s the real deal, I still don’t buy it.

Moral of the story, if I was a cat, I would be dead......SEVERAL times over.

Went out that night to a new club in Bastille (as in never been before) called OPAA. Club wasn’t all that great. Maybe it was the dingy corner that put me off, or the weird music I’m not even sure how to label, not to mention the unnecessary amount of male bodies. Yet again, I’m always going on about how i like people that just get stuck in and give it a go and I’ve found that I may be a bit of a hyprocrite. When it comes to music and clubbing etc, there’s only so far I’m willing to go and OPAA was just a little too far.

Although was quite interesting to see Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) on the metro while i was going to my friends house. Yep that’s right, some dude was dressed up as Donatello and was just chilling in the metro at 9.30pm. Really, the things you see here????

Also got a random tidbit for you. On the way home at about 1am on the metro this lady asked me to move my leg so she could go past and instead of moving it, lifting it up and down like your average joe.....I decided to ‘snake’ it out of the way, like zig zag left and right like it was rooted to the floor. In all honesty, I have no idea why on earth I did that, I would blame it on alcohol, except I wasn’t drunk. It was also clear by the completely BEMUSED look on the woman’s face that she also had a no idea what the hell I was doing either. Alas, I think Paris is affecting me more than it should.

I’m still broke, no real news flash there.

Saturday

Woke up late and didn’t do much. You see the pattern here? Although I’ve got a severe case of I wanttospeakmorefrenchitis! I really would like to have a great group of French people or French speakers that I hang out with often and speak French a lot with, as all this English isn’t really helping me improve. The whole non student thing is proving to be a tad bit more inconvenient than I had hoped. Had an option to go out, well two invites and I turned them both down. First time I had turned down an invite to go out for no reason. For shame I know. Low point for me. – Sigh -

Sunday

Nothing much today either, chilled at home and planned my lessons for the week – so not completely wasted. Also watched a few episodes of the new avengers show. It is something I will be watching regularly. The end of justice league unlimited left a gaping hole that has been adequately replaced.

Also went to the basement gym – yes it is rather cool there’s a gym in the basement in the house. Although I think my shoulder injury from last year is starting to resurface which is not good.

Oh I did go out to a Scottish pub somewhere in Paris, met a few new faces, it was cool. Pub was called the Thistle.

Monday

Good day at work, rubbish hours 10-11 and then 3-4 so I just have to hang around a lot. But actually enjoyed it, talked to staff more, felt a lot more integrated, exchanged jokes and took the metro back together for a while .

Tuesday

Long day at work, 9-5, but classes were good so no real complaints here. Except I thought I would be a bit daring and try some Fromage Frais at lunch....I immediately regretted this decision. For some reason I forced myself to eat all of it when I really should have listened to my stomach’s constant growling!!! So I had a massive stomach ache for the next few hours and it really was problematic. I’ve always thought having a ‘stomach ache’ was just a fake excuse to get out of something in the past, but it really can make life difficult. So apologies to all those ‘stomach achers’ I’ve never taken seriously.

In fact, this fromage frais really did put me in a precarious situation and renewed my strong distaste for the complete lack of toilets in metro stations!!! I mean people spend all day on those things, the least they could do is put a toilet here or there in a few stops but NOOOOOO. On this one day, on way back home my body suddenly decided I needed the bathroom. I tried to man up and just ride it out of course and that lasted all of ...........ten seconds. I was out at the next stop and moving as fast as I can (which was relatively slowly for fear of premature release) and looking for the nearest cafe. Luckily I found one directly opposite the metro exit – ALLELUILA moment INDEED. Down to the toilet in a flash and down to business. Only to find out there was no LOCK on the door. How did I find this out......someone tried to open the door. And now I’m fighting to keep it closed and this guy MUST BE AN IDIOT!!! Of course if the door doesn’t feel like opening there is someone in it. No you don’t try, try, and try again, and..... then try some more after giving you a false sense of security. NO! You leave the guy alone and wait or go somewhere else you clown. Also, the logistics of ‘clean up’ while trying to keep the door closed, should not be underestimated. NOT AT ALL.

Wednesday

Uneventful

Still haven’t figured out what is wrong with my back so yeah you know. And for those who were confused earlier – I would be dead If I was a cat = curiosity killed the cat.

In a Bizzle

Some Peppers

Week 6

So how is Paris? Well, I can’t really complain.

So going to start with another flashback, this really should have been the first thing I said but oh well. So on my first day in Paris, just getting out of Gare Du Nord, feeling a bit down after leaving all my friends, and a bit depressed about being all alone in a new country, i had an experience that just made me feel all that much worse!

So was trying to get a taxi – I considered braving the metro but my mountain load of suitcases didn’t really make that an option. So anyway I go to the taxi rank and I notice that the queue is absolutely MASSIVE, my generally icy mood immediately drops several degrees. Then this rather obscure looking man comes up to me and tells me he has a taxi round the corner. I take one look at him, analyze his slightly raggy clothes and bad breath, another look at the EPIC queue, shake my head and thrust my fate into the hands of this slightly dodgy man.

So now we’re walking right past the taxi rank and I’m feeling slightly better, only for Mr X to start waving down taxi’s like no one’s business! It soon becomes quite clear that he has no taxi but is in fact just someone who calls a taxi for you. I have no idea how to label this profession and so we’ll leave it at that. So now feeling on edge because of this dodgy individual, his brusque manner and his slight over familiarity with my luggage. However, all seems to turn out well and I finally manage to escape the cold and get a taxi courtesy of Mr X.

All is gravy until he won’t let me shut the door and keeps demanding for a cue (not sure how to spell it).  Who knew a 3 letter word could be so problematic? As I have no idea what he wants, but his brusque manner has me feeling uneasy so I try and shut the door with increasing force only for him to get further enraged and pry it open with twice the amount.

He soon starts yelling at the taxi driver, who of course yells back at twice the volume, the police soon arrive to sort out the public disturbance as things are starting to get quite heated! I’m in the back feeling ashamed, knowing this is all my fault but not having a clue on earth what I have done. The 40 minute taxi journey ‘home’ cost me a fortune and passed in dead silence. Found out later that night that Mr X just wanted a tip of 5 euros or so for getting me cab. I went to bed having learnt firsthand the problems of a language barrier and wondering what the hell I was doing in France. Who knew 2 months later I wouldn’t want to leave?

Wednesday

So anyway, on Wednesday I didn’t get up too much. As i’ve stated now i’m quite keen to get a job so Wednesday was my CV and cover letter day, which took the better part of it. I also finally went to the nearby shopping centre to fix my housemates bike so I could finally use it and while I was there I took note of a lot of job openings. Although I had been playing around with the idea of getting a job for a while, when I actually got serious about, there were opportunities everywhere if i had bothered to look before. It seems there’s always a way or things are always there once you actually put your mind to it.

Went to a house party that night, was alright but not really my scene with a little bit too much 80’s pop music and unnecessary smoking. Low point of the night was cleaning up a glass break after some stupid blonde knocked down a photo and some even dumber people believed her when she just pointed at me......although I was on the other side of the room. Ahhh sometimes people really do just deserve a slap.

Thursday

Thursday wasn’t really all that eventful either as I woke up quite late from the house party. Did a lot of online applications and more job esque work etc. In the evening I went out to Bastille for a birthday meal which was really nice. Had this duck thing which was ridiculously overpriced (Expected in Paris) but which actually tasted quite nice. Unfortunately the overpriced duck was the least of my worries that night; i had another nightmare with public transport.

Ran at lightning (yes lightning) speed to catch the noctilien (night bus) only for me not to pay attention to which direction it was going in and arrive 50 minutes later at the terminus in the OPPOSITE direction. Yes perhaps I should have paid attention to the stops etc but at 2.30am in the morning, after an unhealthy amount of alcohol, I don’t really function as I normally would okay.  Anyway I finally got to Chatelet after a 90minute bus journey (should take 20) only for somebody to fall out of the next bus like he had been Stone Cold Stunnered! If you don’t know what that this 1. Shame on you. 2. Look it up

And no this is not an exaggeration; there I was shivering and waiting miserably for bus N22, only for it to arrive and slowly open its angelic entrance to heat and comfort and then for a man to drop out head first, (head first indeed) and hit the pavement like he was determined to pass on some trade secrets. At first I had no idea what to think, then I laughed, then I stopped laughing when he stopped moving, froze when no one said a word, and then breathed and got on the bus when his friend started carrying him home, still unconscious im quite sure.

On a side note, met some random guy at the bus stop who said he could make me a rich man. Yeah I know.....at a bus stop right? But what can I say, it was cold, I was bored, he was there. So we exchanged details and I guess I’ll find out more about this soon.

Surprise, surprise French Admin continues to piss me off royally. After taking quite a long time choosing what I thought was quite a good phone deal – 25euros a month for 2hours talk time, unlimited texts and unlimited internet access, the French have annoyed me again. My first bill came up to 29.17 and of course my natural response was What the hell is this????!!! After much investigation, several phone calls and lots of walking I am being told it is the VAT???? Since when is VAT not included in the price, I thought they only did that in the USA? Which is SUPER ANNOYING btw and I’m still not convinced and will investigate further when I get my second bill.

On that note of annoying admin, I broke one of my taboo’s and decide to call up French customer services (I hate speaking on the phone in French) to get a free bank item; a rather lush engraved card carrier.  I mean it was all good until the insistent woman, kept insisting I get something else apart from my free leather card wallet. I mean i realize that is the whole scheme of things but when a guy says if I have to pay for it, I don’t want it over and over and over again like some jukebox on the fritz, telling him about the amazing Z or Y he can get really isn’t clever is it? Why do people just not like to listen sometimes jeeezzzz!!!!

Friday

Friday was particularly uneventful. Regular day at work, although I did get the ‘who are you really’ look when I tried to join in the lunch banter. I’ll try again next week L

Spent most of the day chilling at home, trying to organise my life and figure out what I’m going to do for Christmas.

Saturday

Spent most of Saturday at my Uncle’s house in Antony which was great as he prepared a magnificent African feast, invited some French friends over and we ate, drank and spoke French all night. I was pleased. Also watched Salt....it was MEH. The twist was a bit too predictable and some of Jolie’s feats were just silly. Tomb raider or not there’s no way you can keep up with an elevator by JUMPING from level to level? Errrr you would break your legs....several times. Just plain silly.

Sunday

As equally uneventful as Friday except I lost my house keys which annoyed me immensely for 48 hours. You ever notice that when you lose something you look for it in the most RIDICULOUS places? The Fridge (i know right) – check, my shoes check, the dustbin check. You name it, I looked there. And then of course you always find it somewhere where you’re SO SURE you’ve checked. – On the table by the front door. I was so annoyed about where I found them that I didn’t even feel like being happy I found them!!! AAAHHHHHH

Monday

Regular day at work, got really frustrated with one of my students today, as she wasn’t able to understand the concept of ‘Repeat after me’, even when it was explained to her in French, by her classmates??? – Sigh- On the upside, there was a male appearance in the staffroom today. whoop whoop.  Also going to the gym regularly now which I’m happy about, i hate feeling unfit. Went out for drinks in bercy village in the evening, standard.

Tuesday

Good day at work, students nice but giving the same lessons many times over as  I keep switching classes due to stages and absences.

Bercy village again tonight, + more people, + food + drinks = happy me.  Although the unnecessarily small piece of meat I got with my chips was a grievous thorn in my side. I don’t know why posh restaurants employ the tactic of ‘massive plates’ ‘tiny portions’, all it does is piss you off.

Wednesday

Another chilled and uneventful day. Well except I went swimming and was forced to wear ‘the dreaded skimpies!!!!!’ Regular shorts are banned in France because it’s unhygienic????? Someone will have to explain that to me. But anyway because I didn’t feel like going back home and waiting to swim another day I asked to borrow some ........... BIG MISTAKE. Those things were tighter than a straight jacket!!!! I felt naked and exposed and relived the shame of PE class age 8-10, forced to swear skimpies. THE HORROR.

Also saw someone punching his dog in the face on the way home. Wait WHATTTT!!???? Yes giving it full on left and right hooks to the face like Iron mike. Now first of all I repeat, WHAT?? Animal cruelty please. Secondly, the dog wasn’t one of those small chiwawa’s, no it was FLIPPING HUGE. He must be BRAVE or just STUPID to punch such a beast, when it could clearly eat him. Ahh the things I see in this place.

Lastly, although I said I’d explain why my back is allergic to France this week, I’m still not sure so until next week.

Here Come The Onions

Week 5

So how is Paris? Well in short, I am a rather happy bunny.

Now before we move on to why I am a rather happy bunny, I feel I must fully explain my deep seeded hate for my local bank - BNP Paribas.

So it all started that sunny day way back when, (September 25^th) when I went to open my bank account. I should have known that things were going to be weird from the moment when trying to open my account with Mr X and he didn’t accept my passport as valid identification. Wait what??????????? Yes I am not joking. I handed over my passport in full confidence that my globally recognized, fully functional, up to date passport that I’ve used to go from Malta to Spain, to America to Egypt would be accepted in this bank, by this man. Surely??? Surely not! Now understand my confusion, I was lost for words and spent the next 10 minutes trying to explain (as politely as possible of course) that this man was a fool who should be slapped and fired for his ignorance.

Anyway, after a while I gave up trying to reason with this fool – as you can never beat a fool – he will only drag you down to his level and beat you (soundly) with experience. Instead I brought out my UK driving licence and.............I hit a brand new brick wall of stupidity!!!! After looking at my licence like it was some foreign object, as opposed to the international identity card it is, and flipping it over......numerous times, - he simply slid it back across the table to me and shook his head gravely, like I had failed a test or something??? So yes now I am more than a LITTLE bit annoyed. – In hindsight, I should have realized the extent of this man’s stupidity at that moment and then and asked to see someone else, yes I know that. But instead, being the novice I am in matters of foolishness, I simply got out every card I had from my Nigerian licence to my Tesco club card only for him to accept my International Student Card????? People seriously what is up with French administration!!!!!????? It pisses me off as much as unrelenting bad breath.

Now for those who are not with BNP I need to explain the next part – all students are entitled to a Carte Visa Classic, a chequebook and an overdraft facility with the ‘Esprit Libre Intiative’ deal that BNP is offering. Not sure how long they are going to do it for, but everything is free (I’ll get to that later) and that is a real deal coz most things aren’t if you join a big bank.

So anyway, as was my right I asked for the Carte Visa Classic (instead of Visa Electron) that most people get only for Mr X to refuse and say I am not allowed it. Of course I just quoted  (‘word for word’) the ad from the net and still he refused apparently because I was a student and had no source of income. At the time I didn’t realize that this was more FOOLISHNESS (ít’s endless) and you are entitled to these things irrespective! Anyway, i returned on our next appointment and showed him my assistants contract, my proof of salary and everything that he said I needed to guarantee me all these services. Now he turns around and has the cheek to tell me I didn’t explain that I wasn’t a student the first time!!! Well I did you overgrown ignoramus, I even sent him an e-mail afterwards (still have a copy) to make sure I explained properly and he REPLIED saying he UNDERSTOOD. COME ON!!

Of course I also asked if this service was free, only for him to tell me that it was not, and then for him to add that he ALSO thought it was? How can you openly admit ignorance of your bank right there and then???? FYI – it costs everyone 2.30 euros a month or something to subscribe to the bank card – something they don’t tell you before.

Moving on, so I left that day thinking everything was gravy only for the stupid Carte Electron to arrive in the mail. I was back at the bank in 10 minutes only for Mr. Fat head to tell me I needed to make ANOTHER appointment to open the services I wanted and get the Visa Classic. Why did you NOT tell me that in our 2^nd appointment? I mean REALLY why????? As you can tell, I was more than a little bit annoyed at this point and decided that in our next appointment, all hell was going to break loose. So i dutifully planned every patronizing thing I was going to say the morning of my appointment only for the director to call me and tell me my appointment was cancelled because Mr. Big Nose had left the agency???? Of course this probably had nothing to do with me, but I like to think he ran away in fear of the verbal trauma he was going to suffer at my hands. This took 4 weeks.

On a better note – had a meeting with the director next (he replaced Mr Bum face) and sorted out everything in 10 minutes. My chequebook and visa classic card came the next week. All good right? Almost, just almost.

Now I found a new problem – online transfers. Trying to sort out my rent with my landlady and my stupid online banking hardcore didn’t feel like letting me do an online transfer. Of course I was confused, i had done all the necessary – added the beneficiary, got the activation code, activated the system bla blab la, but still got nothing. When I told my landlady she didn’t believe me of course until I showed her and she read the message herself. Told me to go to the bank and get them to ‘activate’ my online transfers. What a ridiculous system??

So went to the bank and got the once rather attractive woman (as she works at the bank i hate, i am struggling to like her) to do the business. She smiles at me and tells me it is all done. Only for me to go back home, try and log on to my account and be UNABLE to. I was back at the bank in 5 minutes and simply asked what have you done? ‘Well I reset your account seeing as you told me it wasn’t working.’ ‘It was working fine except the online transfers and it is the bank’s fault at that, I have done nothing here, so why would you do that?’ ‘It is the only way, just wait for your new code which you will get in a few days, I am just trying to help’. ‘So let me get this right, my online banking was perfectly fine before i came here except I couldn’t transfer money online, I asked you to fix it. But now, no longer can I STILL NOT do online transfers, I cannot even log on to my own account, I have to wait for a silly code to arrive in the mail, and if I want to do a transfer, I have to come to the bank each time? This is how you’ve helped me?’....... No answer.

Okay maybe I was a little mean and if that really is the only way well then i might feel bad – BUT I found out it’s not! I really, REALLY, do not like French admin and I’m still waiting for that flipping code.

Right onto better things (apologies for the gigantic rant) but I felt I had too even though I’ve barely left any space for anything else so i’ll have to keep it brief.

So came back from England on Wednesday and was really depressed at first. But when I woke up I felt as right as rain – had a great day at work, (my students are really lovely) and remembered all the reasons why I’m having so much fun in France. Also actually got involved more than before in lunch talk, cracked a joke and found out that all my teachers openly dislike the proviseur – it was some emphatic head nodding I tell you! Also found out lots of my students are going on stages for about a MONTH, means less classes for me and still getting paid – CACHING $$$$.

Also went to this African event on Thursday called ‘The Before’ and it was really cool. Like a great African vibe that I did not expect to find in the centre of Paris and there was even a dance class where the audience got taught two different African dances – Dombola and Macossa. Sorry if you don’t know what it is....look it up. On another note, some people just don’t have rhythm, I mean I really rate people for getting involved nonetheless, i love people that just get stuck in. But still, some people’s hips should have a safety belt or something because it just doesn’t work jeez. Also kind of felt sorry for the woman who got the full ‘Dombola Experience’ from the African instructor. – Proper had her sit on a chair and just experience his dancing.....she looked like she was starring in paranormal activity....... poor, poor woman. If you haven’t seen it before, the shizz can freak you out 4 real.

Another good day of work on Friday except almost died coming out of the metro station at Bastille – as the place stank like a rhino’s anus! No I have no idea how that really smells, but i’ve watched my fair share of discovery channel, and with the size of their ‘business’ it certainly can’t smell like roses. Still wondering what made that smell that day.

Weekend was really chilled – you noticed I haven’t mentioned going out yet? Well it’s because I’m too broke...still. England trip cut my pockets...deep. So I spent the weekend doing my CV and applications etc and just relaxing. I need that paper man!

Also discovered my landlady’s son has built a gym in the basement when I went down to do my laundry.....yes PLEASE.

Monday and Tuesday were also relatively chilled days, nothing much to talk about there. Had fun at work, was teaching repeat lessons now because lots of my students have gone on stage so I get random classes. I don’t really mind because they’re all quite nice but all the same i wouldn’t mind a bit of continuity.

Went to duplex on Tuesday night, nothing really much happened there so we’ll skim over that.

House party on Wednesday night was pretty cool but a little too much smoking and 80’s pop music for my liking, but meh we all have different tastes. However, wasn’t pleased with the chick who knocked over a mirror and then had the cheek to blame it on me......silly woman! Nor did i appreciate the man on man kissing; if you’re gay that’s cool and all. But if you’re straight and then just start pulling guys because being drunk gives you an excuse.....well then not so cool in my opinion.

Also I realized that night that my desire to conserve money has stretched to new lengths as opposed to taking a 20 euro taxi, i took a 2 hour free bus journey home. It will be worth it in the long run.

On another note, I think my back is allergic to France, i’ll explain next week.

The Knife

Week 4

So how is Paris? Well in short, things are going rather swimmingly.

Well I’m gonna to start with something that actually happened in my first week here, as i think it’s worth mentioning and I’m actually quite surprised that I didn’t mention it before:

Before coming to France, i had already decided that I was quite determined to get a French girlfriend, or one that speaks French as i think that would really help me linguistically. Anyway, I went to open a bank account in the nearest town on my second day here and there was this rather attractive young woman behind the welcome desk. Now i’m not entirely sure what possessed me, maybe it was eagerness for France, first sight attraction or a slight dose of stupidity, but i decided there and then that this girl was going to become my girlfriend. Great idea right? Slight problem.....i had no idea (still no idea) on how to go about this in a foreign language!

So on the first encounter i didn’t do anything, nor did i on the 2^nd, 3^rd, or 4^th, - yes i went to the bank a lot, so what?? i had ‘business’ to attend to.

So anyway one day on my way back from work, i decided to go see if my bank card was ready. However on the way there, i decided that i was going to man up and try and talk to this girl today. So i spent the entire journey (20 mins) planning what i was going to say, and hoping it made sense in French. When i got there, i almost bottled it because she got me off guard, silly woman and her first question was ‘am i here to pick up my bank card’. Now as i wasn’t ready for this, i kind of blurted out (trying to be cool of course) ‘no i just came to see you’.....followed by an awkward silence, which lasted a bit longer than i cared for.  Thankfully the awkward laugh eventually came and i could finally start breathing again, but in that few seconds i felt like a ridiculous fool.

So anyway, i actually did get her talking, about where she goes out, does she like going out etc, she gave me the whole i work a lot bla bla bla. Then, being the rather sneaky person that she is, she took my number before i could take hers, of course taking all the power, and said she would call me when next she went out. That was week 1, it’s now week 4 and nope she still hasn’t called yet and no i’m not silly enough to think she will. She also slyly dropped the boyfriend bomb but that’s beside the point. To me, that was my first successful attempt (yes successful, numbers were exchanged) of chatting up a French girl.

Sorry for the sidetrack, so anyway this week has been decent. Getting really comfortable at work now, getting to know my students pretty well, feeling like I fit in more in the staff room and generally just feeling more comfortable in my role. However as usual, there were a few things that I wish hadn’t happened.

Primarily the metro in the morning; now more than average, i am really not a morning guy (my nickname was the zombie at college)  and all i really want to do on the metro is get some more sleep. But there is always some guy who just won’t let me – sometimes it’s mr singer, or mr accordion, or mr beatbox (more spit than anything), mrs singer or on one particularly annoying day it was mr trumpet. Yes I know they are just trying to make a living and  I have a fortunate life not to be in their shoes but I’m a sucker for sleep okay? On this occasion Mr Trumpet was going all out and I turned to gaze at the floor in helplessness only to find a dog trying in full flurry trying to dig through the metro floor. Perhaps he was trying to escape the noise too??? But for real, what would you make of that?....Personally I still don’t have a clue. I reckon at the end of the year im going to be immune to strange sights and random events.

Random events like regular jogs through the streets or 3 , 4, or 5 in the morning. You might be thinking what the hell is wrong with me? But what would you do, if you’re flipping freezing, the next bus comes in 40 minutes but you can run there quicker? (well so you think, let’s not forget the above average intoxication levels) Anyway, it seems these jogs are actually getting me quite fit as what started of as a 40 minute mission is now like a 20 minute cruise.... RANDOM! Who knew I’d be getting my cardio done at 4 am in the morning? Who knew my neighbourhood was so flipping creepy at that time? Who knew being cold was such a flipping strong motivator?

Now what else – oh yeah i made the dreaded journey to my friend’s house again – the one who i fell asleep playing fifa with. Now all was great until I was standing at the bus stop, waiting to catch the bus (wait for it), desperate not to be late, when the bus just drove straight past me.  No, there is no way he didn’t see me as I might as well have been doing the Macarena in joseph’s Technicolor dream coat! Anyway, still determined to make it, i decided to take a massive shortcut through the grass and dash to the next bus stop. But woah behold, i forget it had been raining..... heavily.  So yes I tripped, and time seemed to slow down for me like in those movies where the guy knows what’s going to happen and can’t do nothing about it. So as my face approached the floor all I could think was......i really want to slap that bus driver.

Somehow I still manage to catch the bus only for him to apologize and say ‘I thought you were going the other way’ (i said wait for it right?). To this day, i cannot fathom that response, I really wanted to slap him so hard he started understanding English, only so I could abuse him properly in my native tongue!

Anyway so everything’s all gravy now, until the bus stops at the next stop ......bus is having a 30 minute break!  I didn’t even say anything, I just got out of the bus and started running only to turn the corner, find out the bus moves in a square and I could have just WALKED in the first place! Can we say blinding rage???????

Moving on, finally got to the restaurant with my mate, only to eat what can only be described as an oversized penis at his recommendation. Found out sooner than I’d liked that I had just eaten pigs intestines......great! So yeah, don’t eat what looks like a penis for dinner guys.

Fortunately climbing the Eiffel tower that night put me in better spirits, although it did remind me that I don’t really like heights that much. So what the on earth am I doing up there? Same reason why I jumped out of a plane....I don’t really think things through.

Next day (Saturday now) went to Disneyland and had a really good time so that was cool. Although it was a lot more kiddish than I expected. One tip though, avoid the ‘Peter Pan’ ride like nobody’s business. The only thing neverland taught me is to never, ever go again.

Went out to this new club called Bajalo that same night and had a blast, if you’re into R&B and hip hop you won’t be disappointed. Although I must say when ‘head, shoulders, knees & toes’ came on I did get carried away as no one else really knew the tune. Looked bout as out of place as a reindeer in Ibiza but I digress. The highlight of the night was definitely my mate’s 10 minute rant why females should be wiped from the earth. –(Didn’t get with this girl, she had a bf, but didn’t feel like telling anyone that, no really she didn’t) So he thought she was just being coy. Best quote ‘No matter what I do, girls just........ something......... all over me, i bet next time I try to get with a girl ‘she will just diarrhoea all over my face’.  Was he a bit tipsy? Yes. Does it make sense? No. Did that stop me from laughing uncontrollably? Obviously not.

Also appreciated my random encounter that night at 6am with this Californian girl and german guy. At first they thought I was French (GET IN), but that’s coz I didn’t say anything but oh well. Numbers.......check.

Went out Sunday night aswell, or well tried to at least. If someone ever told you Paris doesn’t sleep, they lied like a fat cow, (I don’t get the phrase either) - it sleeps like snow white after 11pm on Sundays. Safe to say the bus home wasn’t full of laughs.

Speaking of bus journeys, I had a rather memorable experience on Tuesday night, the night before I travelled to UK. Probably shouldn’t have gone out as I had to travel the next morning, but I think it’s by now that I rarely ever make the right choice. So chilling at the bus stop after a night out at this club called Duplex (another good R&B scene, really enjoyed it) and bus comes 30 mins late. But was cool coz had another random encounter with 2 american girls this time. Anyway when I did get on the bus i did the one thing I REALLY did not want to do.....I fell asleep. Woke up about 6am in what can only be described as a fish port of some sort.

Hmmmm slight panic attack, started running through the streets (why not) only to reach a dead end at the motorway. Asked Mr fish (had a fish van) for some directions and basically cried on the spot coz of his response. Luckily mr fish came back and offered me a ride. Smart? Probably not. But when it’s 6am, you haven’t the foggiest where you are and you need to travel in the morning, if you would have chosen the 4 or so hour walk. Well then you’re a hero! Luckily I didn’t die or anything...clearly, got home safe and made the journey fine in the morning.

On a side note, my landlady slapped my ass a few days ago...i think I found it weirder than you did - trust me. 

The Crack Returns

So how is Paris? Well in short, Paris isn’t bad at all.

Week 3

So what did i get up to this week? Started off by watching the Social Network, which I admit I had no real intention of seeing but I’m glad I did because I really enjoyed it. Mark’s Z’s brand of humour had me in stitches!!!! How he was so abusive and confrontational to the lawyers or his peers whenever they tried to intimidate him and how he always brought them down a level or 7.

My personal take on the events, if it is an accurate portrayal, then I side with Mark. Yes he did steal the twins idea, but he didn’t do anything illegal, it’s the twins own stupidity for sharing their idea so freely or lack of ability to take it as far as he did. Also with his friend who went down to 0.03%, yes it wasn’t handled in the right way, but he didn’t deserve 30% of some 25 billion for an input of 20,000 or so. Jamais. Although of course if i was that friend, then my opinion would clearly not be the same.  Bien sur.

Anyway, as usual, my daily events escalated into unnecessary drama. My movie experience was ruined slightly as i was panicking about going into minus on my bank account. – As im sure i’ve stated several times, paris is leaving me as broke as shattered glass! So at this point in time i had 3.20 euros in my account. But before leaving for the movie, i checked my account and it stated that there was a planned deficit of 9 euros. Which of course did not make me a happy bunny! I had money coming in 2 days but i was determined not to pay these silly bank expenditures of going overdrawn. So i thought about sending money from my uk account – wouldn’t arrive in time, withdrawing it from barcalys and putting into my account – banks had closed, so i was in a dirty rut. I ended up calling my mate and asking him to transfer 9 euros to my account – yes it did need some heavy explaining lol. So i left for the film thinking it had been sorted, only to receive a text mid way with him saying he had difficulty. So now once again i am screwed, spent half the film texting him and trying to get him to do it but to no avail. Then basically resorted to texting my entire French phonebook but no one could help me for one reason or the other, and oh yeah i promptly ran out of texts. Putaint!

So i rushed home after the movie determined to figure this out, but when i logged on i realized that this 9 euro reduction had ALREADY BEEN DONE. Slight agitation anyone? Why the hell would it tell me that i have a future withdrawal of 9 euros if its already happened, COME ON! Whole night of anxiety, texts and desperation wasted because some goons can’t decide between before and after. Putaint!!

What else was new, oh yeah this week i got a real taste of the French education system and by this i mean, strike FEVER. It seems to be a never ending disease here. Once again, a regular day became unnecessarily dramatic as is the norm in my life for some reason.

Trying to get to work on Tuesday morning and guess what, the bus didn’t feel like coming. No im dead serious, there was no bus strike, or traffic delay -  on this one day, for no good reason the bus i take to the metro didn’t feel like coming. Was waiting at the bus stop on ma 1’s when the bus driver going the other way just told me the bus isn’t coming today. Of course i asked why, and he just shrugged his shoulders. So at that point, i thought should I just go home or should i soldier on and run to the bus stop? I really wish I had done the former L So the eager beaver decides to do a 30minute run to the metro, in a suit, on a hot day........yes i didn’t think  it through did I? Anyway so i get to my school, slightly sweaty and flustered and everyone’s outside????? But of course i can’t ask what’s going because I don’t speak French (i don’t want to blow my cover) and so i kind of just walk around aimlessly until i find an English speaking teacher. Once again i pretend i have no French (she realized later on that i was deceiving her and she thought I was just being spiteful, can you imagine my luck?) and tried to get her to explain it in English. So, bless her for trying but she might as well of being speaking Chinese, her ‘ English’ could easily pass for Arabic!

Anyway, somehow i manage to get inside after pointless wondering for about 30 mins, only to discover that the students are on strike and i shouldn’t have BOTHERED TO COME. Now imagine my slight agitation, im sweaty from running, cold from standing outside, annoyed from ignorance, and now im told i can go home. Oh what you didn’t feel like telling me in advance i shouldn’t come. Why on earth do you all have my number and e-mail address then, is it just for fun to increase your contact lists? !!!! Very irritated.

Same thing happened on Thursday at the other lycée where i work, although here i found out that the students r a tad bit more aggressive; having attacked a security guard, egged their headmaster and resorted to vandalising property. When i asked my responsable if this was normal behaviour, all i got was ‘ Bienvenue a la france’ ! Welcome to France indeed.  I started wondering what would happen if i tried that at my uni in England, get a strike going with a group of people? Errrrrrr, id clearly be arrested, charged for assault, property damage and possibly expelled. But here teachers r just sipping tea like its a regular Thursday afternoon. Can we say culture clash?

The only good thing that came out of work this week was that one of my teachers sat me down and told me all the places she thinks I should visit. At first, i just wanted her to close her milk stained mouth so i could go home and sleep, but she kept rambling for an hour. However, at the end i was rather grateful for the 1 hour rant because it did become clear that i hadn’t really explored Paris yet and I would miss out on a great chance if i dint do it now. So after the dictation (during which she kept glancing at my notes, perhaps to check my spelling????) i went to Fnac and bought a guide book. Yes i haven’t opened it yet, but i will do, scouts honour J It’s mainly because im still unnecessarily broke, and my head links sightseeing/tourism with money and so at the moment pride won’t let me open it. I need to become unbroken first.

Nothing really happened on Friday but I went to Creteil université to see my friend on the weekend, and once again my life took an unwanted turn. I didn’t really know where my friends place was except the general vicinity but was certain that i could just ask for directions once i got there. Sometimes the easiest things in life are really not so easy. In short what should of been a 10 minute walk became a 40 minute mission because French people seemed determined to get me lost! I cannot even remember how many times i went passed the same street, in OPPOSITE directions. People if you don’t know, just SAY, don’t pretend and leave victims like me wandering around paris at 11pm without the faintest idea of where they are going!

Luckily when i got there at last, it was worth it. My mate lives in student accommodation and as it was the weekend his mates were having a lil house party. Now for me as I’m from used to the African scene (his housemates are mainly from Martinique) i was in my element, but my Italian friend was like a fish out of water. You ever see an Italian trying to grind to dutty wine who’s got no idea? Epic amusement!!!! But fair doos he actually tried and got involved so i rate him for that, most would just sit on the side.

I on the other hand, was loving  it and drank far too much, which seems to be the norm for this year. Afterwards me and my m8 mad a futile attempt to have a few games of fifa. Futile because i kept falling asleep midgame, waking up to find out that my m8 had put 2 or 3 goals past me while im asleep. So what’s worse, falling asleep while active, or someone who keeps playing when the competition is clearly tko?

Infact i was so tired that i just passed out on my mates bed and being the LEGEND that he is, woke up the next morning to find out that he had just slept on the floor, coz he didn’t want to wake me up? Can you believe it. If it was me, i would probably have woken me up with a slap or two, but let’s be grateful it wasn’t me coz i slept like a king that nite.

On the weekend, i recovered.....it took a while.