Week 4
So how is Paris? Well in short, things are going rather swimmingly.
Well I’m gonna to start with something that actually happened in my first week here, as i think it’s worth mentioning and I’m actually quite surprised that I didn’t mention it before:
Before coming to France, i had already decided that I was quite determined to get a French girlfriend, or one that speaks French as i think that would really help me linguistically. Anyway, I went to open a bank account in the nearest town on my second day here and there was this rather attractive young woman behind the welcome desk. Now i’m not entirely sure what possessed me, maybe it was eagerness for France, first sight attraction or a slight dose of stupidity, but i decided there and then that this girl was going to become my girlfriend. Great idea right? Slight problem.....i had no idea (still no idea) on how to go about this in a foreign language!
So on the first encounter i didn’t do anything, nor did i on the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th, - yes i went to the bank a lot, so what?? i had ‘business’ to attend to.
So anyway one day on my way back from work, i decided to go see if my bank card was ready. However on the way there, i decided that i was going to man up and try and talk to this girl today. So i spent the entire journey (20 mins) planning what i was going to say, and hoping it made sense in French. When i got there, i almost bottled it because she got me off guard, silly woman and her first question was ‘am i here to pick up my bank card’. Now as i wasn’t ready for this, i kind of blurted out (trying to be cool of course) ‘no i just came to see you’.....followed by an awkward silence, which lasted a bit longer than i cared for. Thankfully the awkward laugh eventually came and i could finally start breathing again, but in that few seconds i felt like a ridiculous fool.
So anyway, i actually did get her talking, about where she goes out, does she like going out etc, she gave me the whole i work a lot bla bla bla. Then, being the rather sneaky person that she is, she took my number before i could take hers, of course taking all the power, and said she would call me when next she went out. That was week 1, it’s now week 4 and nope she still hasn’t called yet and no i’m not silly enough to think she will. She also slyly dropped the boyfriend bomb but that’s beside the point. To me, that was my first successful attempt (yes successful, numbers were exchanged) of chatting up a French girl.
Sorry for the sidetrack, so anyway this week has been decent. Getting really comfortable at work now, getting to know my students pretty well, feeling like I fit in more in the staff room and generally just feeling more comfortable in my role. However as usual, there were a few things that I wish hadn’t happened.
Primarily the metro in the morning; now more than average, i am really not a morning guy (my nickname was the zombie at college) and all i really want to do on the metro is get some more sleep. But there is always some guy who just won’t let me – sometimes it’s mr singer, or mr accordion, or mr beatbox (more spit than anything), mrs singer or on one particularly annoying day it was mr trumpet. Yes I know they are just trying to make a living and I have a fortunate life not to be in their shoes but I’m a sucker for sleep okay? On this occasion Mr Trumpet was going all out and I turned to gaze at the floor in helplessness only to find a dog trying in full flurry trying to dig through the metro floor. Perhaps he was trying to escape the noise too??? But for real, what would you make of that?....Personally I still don’t have a clue. I reckon at the end of the year im going to be immune to strange sights and random events.
Random events like regular jogs through the streets or 3 , 4, or 5 in the morning. You might be thinking what the hell is wrong with me? But what would you do, if you’re flipping freezing, the next bus comes in 40 minutes but you can run there quicker? (well so you think, let’s not forget the above average intoxication levels) Anyway, it seems these jogs are actually getting me quite fit as what started of as a 40 minute mission is now like a 20 minute cruise.... RANDOM! Who knew I’d be getting my cardio done at 4 am in the morning? Who knew my neighbourhood was so flipping creepy at that time? Who knew being cold was such a flipping strong motivator?
Now what else – oh yeah i made the dreaded journey to my friend’s house again – the one who i fell asleep playing fifa with. Now all was great until I was standing at the bus stop, waiting to catch the bus (wait for it), desperate not to be late, when the bus just drove straight past me. No, there is no way he didn’t see me as I might as well have been doing the Macarena in joseph’s Technicolor dream coat! Anyway, still determined to make it, i decided to take a massive shortcut through the grass and dash to the next bus stop. But woah behold, i forget it had been raining..... heavily. So yes I tripped, and time seemed to slow down for me like in those movies where the guy knows what’s going to happen and can’t do nothing about it. So as my face approached the floor all I could think was......i really want to slap that bus driver.
Somehow I still manage to catch the bus only for him to apologize and say ‘I thought you were going the other way’ (i said wait for it right?). To this day, i cannot fathom that response, I really wanted to slap him so hard he started understanding English, only so I could abuse him properly in my native tongue!
Anyway so everything’s all gravy now, until the bus stops at the next stop ......bus is having a 30 minute break! I didn’t even say anything, I just got out of the bus and started running only to turn the corner, find out the bus moves in a square and I could have just WALKED in the first place! Can we say blinding rage???????
Moving on, finally got to the restaurant with my mate, only to eat what can only be described as an oversized penis at his recommendation. Found out sooner than I’d liked that I had just eaten pigs intestines......great! So yeah, don’t eat what looks like a penis for dinner guys.
Fortunately climbing the Eiffel tower that night put me in better spirits, although it did remind me that I don’t really like heights that much. So what the on earth am I doing up there? Same reason why I jumped out of a plane....I don’t really think things through.
Next day (Saturday now) went to Disneyland and had a really good time so that was cool. Although it was a lot more kiddish than I expected. One tip though, avoid the ‘Peter Pan’ ride like nobody’s business. The only thing neverland taught me is to never, ever go again.
Went out to this new club called Bajalo that same night and had a blast, if you’re into R&B and hip hop you won’t be disappointed. Although I must say when ‘head, shoulders, knees & toes’ came on I did get carried away as no one else really knew the tune. Looked bout as out of place as a reindeer in Ibiza but I digress. The highlight of the night was definitely my mate’s 10 minute rant why females should be wiped from the earth. –(Didn’t get with this girl, she had a bf, but didn’t feel like telling anyone that, no really she didn’t) So he thought she was just being coy. Best quote ‘No matter what I do, girls just........ something......... all over me, i bet next time I try to get with a girl ‘she will just diarrhoea all over my face’. Was he a bit tipsy? Yes. Does it make sense? No. Did that stop me from laughing uncontrollably? Obviously not.
Also appreciated my random encounter that night at 6am with this Californian girl and german guy. At first they thought I was French (GET IN), but that’s coz I didn’t say anything but oh well. Numbers.......check.
Went out Sunday night aswell, or well tried to at least. If someone ever told you Paris doesn’t sleep, they lied like a fat cow, (I don’t get the phrase either) - it sleeps like snow white after 11pm on Sundays. Safe to say the bus home wasn’t full of laughs.
Speaking of bus journeys, I had a rather memorable experience on Tuesday night, the night before I travelled to UK. Probably shouldn’t have gone out as I had to travel the next morning, but I think it’s by now that I rarely ever make the right choice. So chilling at the bus stop after a night out at this club called Duplex (another good R&B scene, really enjoyed it) and bus comes 30 mins late. But was cool coz had another random encounter with 2 american girls this time. Anyway when I did get on the bus i did the one thing I REALLY did not want to do.....I fell asleep. Woke up about 6am in what can only be described as a fish port of some sort.
Hmmmm slight panic attack, started running through the streets (why not) only to reach a dead end at the motorway. Asked Mr fish (had a fish van) for some directions and basically cried on the spot coz of his response. Luckily mr fish came back and offered me a ride. Smart? Probably not. But when it’s 6am, you haven’t the foggiest where you are and you need to travel in the morning, if you would have chosen the 4 or so hour walk. Well then you’re a hero! Luckily I didn’t die or anything...clearly, got home safe and made the journey fine in the morning.
On a side note, my landlady slapped my ass a few days ago...i think I found it weirder than you did - trust me.
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