The Stir

Week 9

So how is Paris? Colder than last week!

Thursday

Nothing special today except I lifted my seal of no French far too many times. It’s just that it has become so difficult to explain or do the most simple activities if I just speak English. Unfortunately, some of my student’s English is so poor that not speaking French really isn’t an option. ‘Sigh’ it’s a bit depressing considering some of them have been doing English for 5 years or more.

At least I got some entertainment on the journey home; first there was what can only be described as a slap worthy deranged fool dancing like a drunk gazelle at place d’italie. Hopping/skipping from place to place and then going up to random individuals with his hand extended in what I assume was a request for financial appreciation of his disturbing yet, mesmerizing dance. Then the bus journey was also a novel experience, although far less comical:

On the bus home and there was this rather attractive young lady sat next to me. However, she wasn’t there for long as this rather robust lady comes over and stares the girl down so much that she offers her seat. So immediately I didn’t like the woman because robustness is never a replacement for beauty. But more importantly, this woman didn’t qualify for ‘elderly’ category and so she shouldn’t have demanded a seat, she was in late 30’s maybe, tops. However, that’s not the worst part. When she started mumbling to herself like the crazy people you see on the metro late at night, then alarm bells started ringing!! But I just tried to absorb myself into my book and forget about her.

Unfortunately, I happened to look up at this individual when she starts.........picking her nose. Not that disgusting you say? We’ve seen it before etc etc. Yes perhaps with kids etc but, I assure you, NOT TO THIS EXTENT.

First of all, I shouldn’t really say picking as opposed to FORAGING, she was like a deep sea diver with that finger, delving into the furthest recess of the nose, going so far and with such tenacity that I was sure a nose bleed was imminent. Of course I should’ve just looked away, but for the life of me I could not. As disgusting as it was, I was in so much shock, that I could not help but watch...... and yes, I immediately regretted this decision.

The next step of sick city was watching the spoils of that same finger being analysed with beady eyes of doom, before they were thrust into a salivating mouth and devoured with such glee it bordered on madness. So yes I was on the verge of throwing up at this point and things only got worse after the 3^rd, 4^th, 5^th, 6^th and 7^th journey.

I have no idea how I didn’t manage to lose my lunch, but luckily enough my senses kicked in at the last moment and I spent the rest of the journey with my eyes glued to the FLOOR. For real, that is soooooo disgusting, at that age and all!! Also, if you really, really, must pursue such an unfathomably disgusting habit, then don’t do it in a PUBLIC PLACE where you force others to suffer as well. Clearly someone needs to slap a LIFETIME’s worth of ‘Didn’t your mother ever teach you’ lessons into this not fully evolved human being. 

That scarred me for a while and my housemates as well when I told them of my disturbing encounter. Luckily the rest of the day was fairly uneventful. Although, I find that whenever I have lots of time to do X, Y and Z, I end up doing nothing at all and then when I have no time at all, vice versa. I am well aware of this habit of mine and yet I can’t seem to break it, this irritates me greatly.

You’ll be glad to know that I finally shutdown the ACN guy with a text. He’s been bugging and calling me to no end and I have no idea why I was entertaining his nonsense. So I just sent him a text saying, I have no interest in the business, but if you still want to talk, feel free to call. I think you know whether my phone rang or not.

Friday

Woke up pissed because I got a last minute call from one of my colleagues that I have to do a class in the morning. This annoyed me greatly as I generally just do afternoons. My bad moved lasted most of the day and I even turned down a concert offer – poor effort from me I know. 

Got a new class though and was worried at the start because they were really rowdy when my colleague was taking the register. It reminded me of my first teaching day when I was walking to the front and the kids all kept shouting out profanities or saying absurd things like ‘I love you’.  But things quieted down as soon as he left. At first I just thought it was the students who were being unfair on the teacher but now it’s quite clear....no one in the school, not even other teachers like this particular teacher. One teacher even went so far as to say he reminds her of a serial killer.....some killer vibes indeed.

Saturday

Nothing much, just relaxed. Although my landlord is going overboard on cleaning; she’s had the whole military brat upbringing, dad in army, granddad etc so she’s really militant on simple things and it’s really quite annoying. Also, she seems to find it impossible to distinguish from son and tenant and speaks to us all like we’re her kids which of course drives me up the wall. You imagine another woman apart from your mother or a close relative scolding you in that annoyingly patronising tone you only accept from family and see how well you keep your temper. I felt like EXPLODING with rage – ‘sigh’.

This silly weather is getting out of control as well, as a result I really have no real desire to go anywhere. But, forced myself to go into Paris for dinner and drinks at my friend’s house and ended up having a great night in. Well out, as I went to Paris, but in as we didn’t end up going out anywhere. Just chillaxed, played drinking games, and laughed and joked until about 4 in the morning. Also got introduced to the game ‘psychology’ which is a great game if you’re NOT the guesser.  If you don’t know what I’m on about, too bad. For those that do, I know you feel my pain!

Sunday

Really relaxed Sunday, woke up late, went for lunch with the mates who stayed over at my friend’s house and then just hung out watching scrubs and family guy.  Watching these shows reminded me of how much I LOVE FAMILY GUY and how much better things are when you  do them with company. Although, I did get persuaded to watch the end of scrubs which I regretted because it was pretty emotional and created a rather large and unexpected gaping emotional hole that reminded me that I truly hate being alone. I really can’t wait for Christmas.

Monday

I think Christmas fever is getting to me or I’m just getting tired of teaching because I keep speaking more and more French in classes which is a complete fail! It seems I’ve just given up recently ; or I’ve just had my fill of miming and having to perform silly antics to be understood.

Today I tried a really SIMPLE activity. There were two different sheets A and B, both with images on it, but of the same people doing different things in different clothes. So you get partnered up and have to ask your partner what is X doing and wearing to find out the differences and then note them down. Easy right? NO! It took me 10 minutes to explain in English. Then I gave up and just explained in French. Only for me to walk around and find out my students are arguing about what X is doing and wearing, not having understood THERE ARE TWO DIFFERENT SHEETS. I just felt like storming out of the class I was so annoyed.

Didn’t appreciated being interrogated when I got home about why my rent payment hadn’t gone through yet – I explained I programmed it for the 5^th (day it’s expected). Only to find out that transfers take 48 hours in France. But yes, I’m still to blame although I had no idea!!!? At least I had a lot of energy and rage for the gym!!!!

Tuesday

Work was same old, same old. Not much time to spare when I got home as I left quite quickly to go to the 5^th to meet up with my friend for Birthday meal and drinks. Was great to see him again and just hang out talking and reminiscing about life pre France. Went to a bar afterwards and everything was all good until we got pestered by this annoying American.

Not only was her voice abrasive and irritating, but she just really couldn’t take athe hint that no one wanted her presence and she should be on her way.  No no no, she kept hovering around like those flies you want to swat.

I mean when you ask people what are you in France for and they reply ‘To Drink’, in the most monotonous, un-conversational voice known to man, then you should just take a hint. Or if people start introducing themselves as Chatos and Ophelia, and other names straight out of the Odyssey and Shakespeare, then you really are a fool not to take the hint. This lady was.  Although it was pretty amusing at the same time I must admit.

Unfortunately I had another ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE trying to get home and I blame it all on my friend. He made me wait another 10 minutes because I just HAD to meet this SEXY friend of his. So I waited and when she came......she was meh. Hot yes, worth the drama I suffered because of those ten minutes? NO WAY IN HELL.

First of all dashed to get the metro line 10 and as I was coming out of my changeover place I saw the metro I was supposed to take go past. Only then to have the controleur’s tell me there are no more metro’s and I would have to take a bus. So went to the bus stop feeling unbelievably annoyed and suddenly when the adrenaline had died down....needing the biggest piss of my life. Quickly looked at the board and the bus says it’s coming in 5 minutes. 5 minutes, do I go, do I not, 5 minutes is enough time surely? Yes I’ll go......I really wished I had just stayed and wet myself.

Jogging back feeling so refreshed only to see the bus go past me. So as I know I didn’t have a record breaking 5 minute piss,  that means that FLIPPING bus came a few minutes early. So of course I did what any rational man would have done in my position.......raised my head, lifted my hands to the heaven and SCREAMED at the top of my voice!!!!!.....In complete vain of course as well as futile test of lung capacity. Unfortunately this wasn’t the end.

Now I had to wait 30 minutes for the BUS to come. Luckily it wasn’t late but then I did what I promised I would NOT DO. I feel asleep. I woke up God knows where and a 2 hour EPIC walk home AGAIN!!!

Having just relived the moment, I’m too annoyed to explain my theories on what’s up with back. Later.

The Salt

Week 8

So how is Paris? FLIPPING COLD!

Wednesday

Started off with my regular chilled Wednesday morning, relaxing, enjoying the fact I don’t have work today and not doing much at all. Unfortunately my usual all day siesta was cut short with the assistant’s meeting at L’academie de Paris....which I think was a GIGANTIC waste of time. The meeting was compulsory but all we did was trade teaching experiences for an hour and a half and then get private lectures in small groups for about an hour.

They should have just given us the forms and let us go, 5 mins MAX, as opposed to a 3 hour rant (by none other than the assistants themselves) about how this and how that were going in their school. However, as everyone is in a different school, with different circumstances and teachers, 90% of all that was said couldn’t apply to anyone else, so clearly I should have just stayed in bed.

On a brighter note, I can’t wait to get paid (this Friday) seeing as I am once again struggling for funds. I haven’t even got any texts or calls left on my miserable 0range account and so i’m just out of synch. Yes, I am a slave to technology and yes I do wonder what the world would have been like without things such as e-mail, texts, phone calls and the internet. Although I feel being born in a different time wouldn’t bother me as I would be clueless of modern tech and just wonder how those before me couldn’t live without things like I dunno, messenger pigeons.

Random aside; I really don’t get the point of Validating machines in French buses as you really don’t have to use them. What? Yes really. Lots of people (including myself) just walk onto the bus and don’t validate their navigo or whatever they have and the bus driver doesn’t even give you a second glance. Sometimes he or she might turn on the message asking you to validate but news flash – ignore it and he ignores you?? So even if I do have valid transport, I just can’t be bothered to take it out these days and so I just walk on.
It’s the same for the metro gates, you can just jump over or crawl through the majority of them and some of you might scoff at this but when you’re saving 400 euros or so, a few bumps or knee scrapes feel like a blessing.

Ok ok, yes once in a blue moon you will see a controleur on the bus or by the metro gate, but even if you get caught like 5 times a year (UNLIKELY) thats like 150 euros, versus 400 euros. So simple math right?

Thursday

Nothing much to say about today except only had one out of 2 hours of work which of course was a WIN WIN. So didn’t have to rush my gym session which I really appreciated. On another note, I went to Chateau Rouge today (the African quarter) and I was soooo at home. Haven’t been home in a while and so it was nice to see and smell African food as well as finally find somewhere I  felt comfortable getting my hair cut!

Also just started this new book called The Wolf’s Hour and I’m loving it! However, I have a rather obsessive personality and so I’m quite certain all other things are going to get sidelined for a while.

In the evening went to football training with my friends and it was fun except that we almost died from this ‘Death Frost’ people seem to be confusing with cold, it is clearly not the same!!!!!!! Didn’t really appreciate doing the plank on concrete in minus X degrees either but what can you do?

What annoyed me a little more than that though, was that my landlady berated me for letting my friends cook in the kitchen. This annoyed me because it seems so hypocritical, she pretends to be all relaxed about having people over, lulling you into a false sense of security and then BAM! She get’s annoyed at the most trivial things. So apparently my friends can come over and eat, they just can’t make any food.....do we see the problem here? Some people need to chillax and not flip over little things like the kitchen jeez.

  

Friday

Now what should have been a normal day at work became a very irritating one as one of my colleagues called me the NIGHT BEFORE, to tell me I have a morning class the next day when I didn’t have to be in until 3pm otherwise. So close, so so so close.

So there I am, up at 8am, arrive at school at 10 am and he’s not THERE. He gets there at 10.50!!!!!!! So I woke up for nothing, had to bum around school for several hours, freezing all on my own in the staff room which is at a very unhealthy 10degrees!!! And of course was generally not impressed.

Unfortunately the day didn’t get any better, as my 2 hour afternoon class was abysmal! It took me 1 hour to EXPLAIN the activity, and then they got bored of it after 30 minutes!!! Sometimes it’s just really hard to gauge an activity, what I think is going to be simple for them, often is not, and vice versa and then it changes with each class, it can get a little frustrating let me tell you.

Had a great post class/failure rant with my responsable (the teacher I refer too) about the difficulties of teaching and so felt a lot better knowing it wasn’t an isolated emotion.

Going back home was a NIGHTMARE as I froze the whole way there and then chickened out of a concert that evening for the sole reason that I didn’t want to have endure the cold. Absolute fail I know, but cold is my kryptonite...what can I say?

Saturday

Woke up incredibly angry due to the fact that I woke up late, even after setting 5 ALARMS and so I missed my bank appointment. As you know, I hate my bank and all things associated with it and so this appointment was supposed to be the be all and end all, so that I would never have to return....and I MISSED IT. So you may understand my slight agitation!!!!

On a rather more positive note, did quite a lot of site seeing today which was fun, went with my sight seeing partner....oh yes it’s been established now. Went to the Bois de Boulogne, which is really beautiful and a great walking space. Also enjoyed the botanical gardens, although they freaked me out a little and I kept thinking of Lemony Snicket’s books; I think it’s book two when there’s a large snake in some of greenhouse or something. Let’s not forget L’hotel de ville and Notre dame, which were equally impressive. So all in all, despite the unnecessarily low temperatures that had me and my friend huddling together like a pair of Siamese twins, it was a productive sightseeing excursion.

After sight-seeing, went to my friends house for dinner and she made a lovely pasta and sausage meal, that had me salivating during preparation and quite sated once devoured. Followed by a trip to Gare du lyon for a little get together at a friend’s place which involved some standard drinking games and  of course a lot of drinking. Met a Frenchman  which I was very excited about, as I am always eager to meet frenchies!!! Got his number and so hopefully he may be my link into the French social network.

I never made it out that night, so the predrinks weren’t really all that pre, as opposed to just drinks and I will admit that the journey home was perhaps a little bit....hazy.

Sunday

Mainly a recovery period. It seems the epitome of adolescence or student life is continually doing things that seem great at the time but which you regret enormously soon after, most notably .....the morning after.

So just a very relaxed day at home with lots of water. Watched Firebreather, Avengers and young justice. All of which I was very pleased with, and I feel were worth except the wait, except Firebreather which was a bit of a letdown, but oh well.  Although, must say am very irritated I have to wait until January for the next episode of Young Justice......aahhhhhh c’est la vie.

Monday

For some reason I thought it would be wise to stay up till 5am in the morning watching anime and reading manga. Clearly I found out the next day that it was NOT as I kept falling asleep in the cantine during lunchtime only to have the beady eyes of all the teachers staring at me reproachfully when I awoke. Only for me to avoid their gaze in embarrassment, return or attempt to return to eating my food. Only to once again fall asleep shortly after.  A vicious circle indeed!!!!!

Although, after my shambolic antics at lunch, things improved and I find myself increasingly involved in staffroom ‘chat’ which I really appreciate. So it would seem that my annoying schedule which leave large hours in between classes are actually paying off.

However, I am getting increasingly frustrated with my students because their low level of English really makes creating activities and teaching rather difficult. Now I realize I shouldn’t be so negative, but at the same time when some of your students have being studying English for over 7 years and yet they ask you how to say ‘Parler’ which means to ‘To Talk’, then your patience is really pushed to the limit. Other little things are starting to get to me now as well as even in French it seems the students have issues. For instance, they can’t tell the time nor did they know the difference between heads and tails in their own language....the latter of which really surprised me.

Tuesday

Long day at work, nothing much to say although I was asked to give my students oral marks, which I felt very uncomfortable with as I’m not trained nor was I prepared for such an endeavour mais c’est la vie. I forgot to say goodbye to my students ; seeing as I was won’t seem them until after xmas as I’m leaving early to go to America but I’m sure it’ll be alright.

When I got home, all I wanted to do was relax, but then I got a LAST MINUTE call to play football. I’ve been dying to play in a match for a while so of course I accepted and of course I almost died from the previously described ‘DEATH FROST’ but oh well. Didn’t really appreciate the NINJA KICK to my right knee either, especially as it had be limping home and in no small amount of pain. Perhaps I shouldn’t have played on, but we had no subs and perhaps they shoudln’t have put me in defense either? Why put a striker in defense????????????

Wednesday

Woke up in a great deal of pain and so decided to stay in bed for an additional 4 hours whilst reading.  When I finally did get up and hobbled to have some breakfast, I found my landlady crying in the kitchen and I felt unbelievably AWKWARD. I hate being around crying females as I’m hopeless, I never know what to do or say and sort of just stand there twitching nervously, looking constipated in an attempt to appear consoling.

Luckily it soon passed and she then showed me how to make chicken in a new way, using wine as the sauce (testament to the growing strength of our relationship) and it was AWESOME. Can’t wait it to try it on my own next time, I love learning how to do new things. Especially things that TASTE SO NICE, YUM.

So yeah I know it’s getting tedious, but still no clue on my back. Apologies.